Trials and Tribulations

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Trials and Tribulations

The reason I made the last post about sowing and reaping is because - just like everyone else - I face trials and tribulations from time to time, and mine is from home.

No matter how strong I'd try to make myself to be, my mother is my mother. She knows how to get to me and what hurts me the most. She knows what I'm vulnerable to, the sensitive topics, and how to speak to effectively cripple me, spiritually. It's like THE goal of her middle age life to get me out of church. She's not the easiest opponent to reckon with considering she used to preach when she was my age. Now she uses the bible against me. I'm normally tongue-tied, speechless, and defeated by her.

For one, she says, "Don't think I don't know what you're doing just because I'm not here. You go to this stupid church and waste all your time so you cannot get all A's for your classes. How can a University student be going out in the weekend, the whole day, when it's the only day you can study? Sometimes you even go to church 3-4 times a week. Don't lie! I've been to church. I know they have the prayer meeting, fellowship, bible study, whatever! You do it! You go all the way to Oakland spend all the money on gas and toll and even drive people around. Don't lie! Don't lie! I know what church is like! And you give all your money to church! Especially they're refugees!"

My first reaction is fury. Because it's not true! Well... not totally. Soon, the fury is turned on me. I was so angry at myself because I failed to glorify God. I feel like a ginormous failure! This is why:

True, most of the time, I went to church instead of studying. I would rather go to church if there is a revival, VBS, easter, christmas, new year, church cleanup, food fair, fundraising, camp, etc, than study for my exam or tests - most of the time. I see my spiritual investment to be way more profitable than carnal investment anyway! See, I give zero care to earthly rewards; I'm trying to build up my heavenly treasures! Of course, my Mom went berzerk when I childishly rebutted that they are all going to hell if they don't go to church. (By which I mean believing in Christ, etc.) It was like the best I could think to say at that moment. I am seriously not helping God's kingdom. Way to shine for God at my unbelieving household.

See, not caring for earthly rewards does not mean not studying or working hard in the world. I just realized it! In fact, it's working even harder than worldly people who seek worldy rewards!

See, even with the going-to-church-alot thing, I had time to study. I just had to work doubly hard compared to an unbelieving student. Maybe it means I have to sleep only 5 hours a day. Maybe it means I have to give up spending time on leisurely pleasures; Bye-bye Korean music. Instead, I always excuse myself for having completed an eventful day at church and reward myself at home by sleeping in or watching TV and sleeping some more.

It's like I can't even take a little suffering. I am so spoiled that I don't want to inconvenience myself a bit. Even if it is just once a week. I will NOT sleep less than 8 hrs. I will NOT eat bad food like a mere bun or quick to-go sandwich. I HAVE to cook a full meal with soup, vegetables, meat, and fruits, every meal. I just have to or I feel incomplete and cranky. These are just some examples of that many things I refuse to compromise. So I sow in these things, what do I reap?

What is my true desire? To glorify God. To live a godly life. So it just didn't make sense that I sow in indirect matters more than direct matters. Sure, sleep and eat are important but not THAT important when it comes to getting the work done.

I can definitely go to church as many times as God wants me to and still Ace my classes. Because I go to church for the living God who is just real! My problems are real and He sees it! He would have let me reap a hundred fold if I just had the faith to sow! If I have one more chance to go back to school, maybe for my CPA exam, I will fight a good fight of faith.

Meaning, I should sow not in my flesh! Why am I doing so? It just daunted on me so sharply when I was listening to Dr. Charles Stanley's sermon.

I'm not saying good sleep or good food is ungodly. I was trying to make a point. Listen to the sermon. God bless you.

PS: How fitting, bible verse of the day: “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” (Mark 8:36)

1 comment:

Pastor Lone said...: Right on the mark! Yes, God is spoken to all of us through this message to those who feel "not good enough or useless" in our doing good. "let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." (Gal.6:9). Phyu, thanks for sharing and I hope you got the answer, what God wants from you. That's the reason that doing what we do. Each week we come to church, keep doing things that we do, why? just for His sake...Obedience to Spirit of God, which is sowing in Spirit. I wish you Mom can listen to this message as well. We pray for you and your family. God bless!; August 2, 2010 at 4:33 PM

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Story Box

The Big Rocks
One day an expert in time management was speaking to a group business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget. As he stood in front of the group of high powered over achievers he said, "Okay, time for a quiz."
Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide mouthed Mason jar and set it on the table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar.
When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?"
Everyone in the class said, "Yes."
Then he said, "Really?" He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the space between the big rocks. Then he asked the group once more, "Is the jar full?"
By this time the class was on to him. "Probably not," one of them answered.
"Good!" he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in the jar and it went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, "Is this jar full?"
"No!" the class shouted. Once again he said, "Good."
Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked at the class and asked, "What is the point of this illustration?"
One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard you can always fit some more things in it!"
"No," the speaker replied, "that's not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all."
What are the 'big rocks' in your life?
Your relatinship with God?
Your husband or wife?
Your children?
Your loved ones?
Your health?
Your education?
Your dreams?
A worthy cause?
Teaching or mentoring others?
Doing things that you love?
Time for yourself?
Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all. If you sweat the little stuff (the gravel, the sand) then you'll fill your life with little things you worry about that don't really matter, and you'll never have the real quality time you need to spend on the big, important stuff (the big rocks).
So, tonight, or in the morning, when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question: What are the "big rocks" in my life? Then, put those in your jar first.
Matthew 6:33
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

ARE YOU 'THE CRACKED POT' ?? .
A water bearer had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you." "Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?" "I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts,"   the pot said. The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house." Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But if we will allow it, the Lord will use our flaws to grace His Father's table. In God's great economy, nothing goes to waste. So as we seek ways to minister together, and as God calls you to the tasks He has appointed for you, don't be afraid of your flaws. Acknowledge them, and allow Him to take advantage of them, and you, too, can be the cause of beauty in His pathway. Go out boldly, knowing that in our weakness we find His strength, and that "In Him every one of God's promises is a Yes."

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DID GOD CREATE EVIL?
At a certain university, there was a professor with a reputation for being tough on Christians. At the first class every semester, he asked if anyone was a Christian and proceeded to degrade them and to mock their statement of faith.
One semester, he asked the question and a young man raised his hand when asked if anyone was a Christian. The professor asked, "Did God make everything, young man?"
He replied, "Yes sir He did!"
The professor responded, "If God made everything, then He made evil." The student didn't have a response and the professor was happy to have once again proved the Christian faith to be a myth.
Then another man raised his hand and asked, "May I ask you something, sir?"
"Yes, you may," responded the professor.
The young man stood up and said "Sir, is there such thing as cold?"
"Of course there is, what kind of question is that? Haven't you ever been cold?"
The young man replied, "Actually, sir, cold doesn't exist. What we consider to be cold is really an absence of heat. Absolute zero is when there is absolutely no heat, but cold does not really exist. We have only created that term to describe how we feel when heat is not there."
The young man continued, "Sir, is there such a thing as dark?"
Once again, the professor responded, "Of course there is."
And once again, the student replied, "Actually, sir, darkness does not exist. Darkness is really only the absence of light. Darkness is only a term man developed to describe what happens when there is no light present."
Finally, the young man asked, "Sir, is there such thing as evil?"
The professor responded, "Of course. We have rapes, murders, and violence everywhere in the world, those things are evil."
The student replied, "Actually, sir, evil does not exist. Evil is simply the absence of God. Evil is a term man developed to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. It isn't like truth, or love, which exist as virtues like heat or light. Evil is simply the state where God is not present, like cold without heat or darkness without light."
The professor had nothing to say............

Does God Still Speak?

A young man had been to Wednesday night Bible Study. The Pastor had shared about listening to God and obeying the Lord's voice. The young man couldn't help but wonder, "Does God still speak to people?" After service he went out with some friends for coffee and pie and they discussed the message.
Several different ones talked about how God had led them in different ways.
It was about ten o'clock when the young man started driving home. Sitting in his car, he just began to pray, "God.. If you still speak to people, speak to me. I will listen. I will do my best to obey."
As he drove down the main street of his town, he had the strangest thought, to stop and buy a gallon of milk.
He shook his head and said out loud, "God is that you?" He didn't get a reply and started on toward home.
But again, the thought, buy a gallon of milk. The young man thought about Samuel and how he didn't recognize the voice of God, and how little Samuel ran to Eli.
"Okay, God, in case that is you, I will buy the milk." It didn't seem like too hard a test of obedience. He could always use the milk.
He stopped and purchased the gallon of milk and started off toward home. As he passed Seventh Street, he again felt the urge, "Turn down that street."
"This is crazy," he thought and drove on past the intersection. Again, he felt that he should turn down Seventh Street.
At the next intersection, he turned back and headed down Seventh. Half jokingly, he said out loud, "Okay, God, I will." He drove several blocks, when suddenly, he felt like he should stop. He pulled over to the curb and looked around. He was in semi-commercial area of town.
It wasn't the best, but it wasn't the worst of neighborhoods either. The businesses were closed and most of the houses looked dark like the people were already in bed.
Again, he sensed something, "Go and give the milk to the people in the house across the street."
The young man looked at the house. It was dark and it looked like the people were either gone or they were already asleep. He started to open the door and then sat back in the car seat. "Lord, this is insane. Those people are asleep and if I wake them up, they are going to be mad and I will look stupid." Again, he felt like he should go and give the milk.
Finally, he opened the door, "Okay God, if this is you, I will go to the door and I will give them the milk.
If you want me to look like a crazy person, okay. I want to be obedient.
I guess that will count for something, but if they don't answer right away, I am out of here."
He walked across the street and rang the bell. He could hear some noise inside.
A man's voice yelled out, "Who is it? What do you want?" Then the door opened before the young man could get away. The man was standing there in his jeans and T-shirt. He looked like he just got out of bed.
He had a strange look on his face and he didn't seem too happy to have some stranger standing on his doorstep. "What is it?" The young man thrust out the gallon of milk,
"Here, I brought this to you."
The man took the milk and rushed down a hall way speaking loudly in Spanish.
Then from down the hall came a woman carrying the milk toward the kitchen.
The man was following her holding a baby. The baby was crying. The man had tears streaming down his face. The man began speaking and half crying,
"We were just praying. We had some big bills this month and we ran out of money. We didn't have any milk for our baby. I was just praying and asking God to show me how to get some milk.
"His wife in the kitchen yelled out, "I ask him to send an Angel with some. Are you an Angel?"
The young man reached into his wallet and pulled out all the money he had on him and put it in the man's hand. He turned and walked back toward his car and the tears were streaming down his face. He knew that God still answers prayers.

       A member of a certain church, who previously had been attending services regularly, stopped going. After a few weeks, the pastor decided to visit him. It was a chilly evening. The pastor found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire. Guessing the reason for his pastor's visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a big chair near the fireplace and waited.
       The pastor made himself comfortable but said nothing. In the grave silence, he contemplated the play of the flames around the burning logs. After some minutes, the pastor took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone. Then he sat back in his chair, still silent.
        The host watched all this in quiet fascination. As the one lone ember's flame diminished, there was a momentary glow and then its fire was no more. Soon it was cold and "dead as a doornail."
        Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting. Just before the pastor was ready to leave, he picked up the cold, dead ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.
        As the pastor reached the door to leave, his host said,
"Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I shall be back in church next Sunday."

John 3:16
In the city of Chicago, one cold, dark night, a blizzard was setting in. A little boy was selling newspapers on the corner, the people were in and out of the cold. The little boy was so cold that he wasn't trying to sell many papers.

He walked up to a policeman and said, "Mister, you wouldn't happen to know where a poor boy could find a warm place to sleep tonight would you? You see, I sleep in a box up around the corner there and down the alley and it's awful cold in there for tonight. Sure would be nice to have a warm place to stay,"

The policeman looked down at the little boy and said, "you go down the street to that big white house and you knock on the door. When they come out the door you just say John 3:16, and they will let you in."

So he did. He walked up the steps and knocked on the door, and a lady answered. He looked up and said, "John 3:16." The lady said, "Come on in, Son." She took him in and she sat him down in a split bottom rocker in front of a great big old fireplace, and she went off. The boy sat there for a while and thought to himself: John 3:16....I don't understand it, but it sure makes a cold boy warm.

Later she came back and asked him "Are you hungry?" He said, "Well, just a little. I haven't eaten in a couple of days, and I guess I could stand a little bit of food," The lady took him in the kitchen and sat him down to a table full of wonderful food. He ate and ate until he couldn't eat any more. Then he thought to himself: John 3:16... Boy, I sure don't understand it but it sure makes a hungry boy full.

She took him upstairs to a bathroom to a huge bathtub filled with warm water, and he sat there and soaked for a while. As he soaked, he thought to himself: John 3:16... I sure don't understand it, but it sure makes a dirty boy clean. You know, I've not had a bath, a real bath, in my whole life. The only bath I ever had was when I stood in front of that big old fire hydrant as they flushed it out.

The lady came in and got him. She took him to a room, tucked him into a big old feather bed, pulled the covers up around his neck, kissed him goodnight and turned out the lights. As he lay in the darkness and looked out the window at the snow coming down on that cold night, he thought to himself: John 3:16... I don't understand it but it sure makes a tired boy rested.

The next morning the lady came back up and took him down again to that same big table full of food. After he ate, she took him back to that same big old split bottom rocker in front of the fireplace and picked up a big old Bible. She sat down in front of him and looked into his young face.

"Do you understand John 3:16?" she asked gently.

He replied, "No, Ma'am, I don't. The first time I ever heard it was last night when the policeman told me to use it," She opened the Bible to John 3:16 and began to explain to him about Jesus. Right there, in front of that big old fireplace, he gave his heart and life to Jesus. He sat there and thought: John 3:16. .. .. I don't understand it, but it sure makes a lost boy feel safe.

You know, I have to confess I don't understand it either, how God was willing to send His Son to die for me, and how Jesus would agree to do such a thing. I don't understand the agony of the Father and every angel in heaven as they watched Jesus suffer and die. I don't understand the intense love for ME that kept Jesus on the cross till the end. I don't understand it, but it sure does make life worth living.

John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

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Saturday, June 19, 2010